How To Never Get Angry Again
When you get angry (or let another negative emotion take over), you have lost. Some outside stimulus has now control over your life. Here is how to not let that happen.
I.
If you constantly waste your mental energy on negativity, the quality of your life will deteriorate rapidly.
This game is about mental energy. We only have so much of that stuff. Once it is used up, you won't get anything done anymore. You will make one bad decision after another — about your health, your business, your relationships, etc.
II.
Examples of wasteful activities:
You engage in office gossip.
You roll your eyes at the loud group at the table next to you.
You get angry at your partner for not living up to your expectations.
You watch the news every day, this concoction of sensationalism and violence.
You engage in "us. vs. them" thinking (us liberals vs. them conservatives, us men vs. them women, etc.).
III.
If mental energy is so foundational to our success and happiness, why are we so quick to waste it?
The reason is that mental energy is hard to quantify.
If you have 1000 dollars in your bank account but keep buying one dress or one gadget after another, you will soon run out of money. And you can watch it happening in real time.
With mental energy, there is no such feedback loop. We might have a vague notion that it exists. But we can't quantify it easily (unless we become more aware of ourselves). That is why we are so quick to waste it.
IV.
The first method to stop engaging in negativity is to study others who do.
For example, I know one person who cannot stop commenting on the shortcomings of others. This person must always scan their environment to find something to get upset about. It's a compulsive behavior.
Studying someone like this will help you to stay away from these fallacies yourself. You will think to yourself, "I must not become like this. I must not allow negativity to spoil my life in the same way."
Be careful, though. Studying someone negative up close can quickly lead to you getting infected with their negativity. Learn what you need to learn, then remove yourself.
V.
The second method to stop engaging in negativity is to adopt a broader perspective.
I call this the "beginning of time" rule. Whenever I am outraged by a certain person or event, I remind myself that this has been going on since the beginning of time and will keep going on until it all ends.
Someone acting ignorant or entitled? It has been going on since the beginning of time.
Someone trying to cheat you for money? It has been going on since the beginning of time.
Your business taking a hit because of a change in the market? It has been going on since the beginning of time.
Your partner getting infatuated with somebody else? It has been going on since the beginning of time.
To be clear — I am not giving you permission to feel bitter. Quite the opposite. I want you to realize that all of these things must happen, just like it must sometimes rain. But you don't shake your fist at the sky when it does, do you? And neither should you get upset when these ills befall you.
Instead, you should take radical responsibility for yourself.
VI.
The happiest people I have ever met were those who took radical responsibility for themselves.
They understood — negative people and events are part of the game. It's not the job of the universe or of society to minimize their negative impact on your life. It's your job and your job alone.
If you don't like how a certain person treats you, find a better person.
If you don't like the 9-to-5 existence, quit your job and start a business that you are passionate about.
If you don't have many sexual or romantic options, work on becoming more attractive and charming.
If you don't like the political situation in your country or how they tax you, move to a different country.
There is never a point in complaining. There is only a point in taking action — radical action — and making things better for yourself.
And a curious thing happens if you do so. By making things better for yourself, you will make things better for those around you. You will be happier, and you will infect others with your happiness. They will look at your behavior as something to aspire to. You have now shown them a way out.
Puh, long newsletter! But I really enjoyed this one. In other news, there might soon be a Niels Bohrmann YouTube channel; currently working things out with the video editor. I will keep you posted.
Until next week,
Niels