Why Personal Change Is So Hard

Many people experience this gap — they are in place A but want to get to place B. But they have no idea how to bridge that gap.

There is no sugarcoating it — change is hard. But, there are ways to get unstuck.

I.

Revel in the pain.

A lot of self-help advice boils down to, “You are good enough.” Supposedly, there is no need to take action. Just learn to accept yourself as you are, that wonderful individual who has so much to give to this world, yadda yadda yadda.

Don’t fall for this.

Many people are not enough. They currently offer little value to the world. And this is not coming from an angry place. It's just a fact.

If you try to paint over your deficits, you will never address them. You will never experience the success that you are indeed capable of — if you did put in the hard work.

Don’t try to dodge the pain. Glare at that gap between where you are and where you would like to be. Then use that pain as fuel.

II.

Stop blaming others.

Many people claim they would like to improve their lives but then cite insurmountable obstacles.

“My partner is not supportive of my dreams.”

“The economy is really bad right now, no point in starting a business.”

“How can I be successful with all these immigrants stealing our jobs?”

“I am clearly not getting promoted because I’m in a minority group.”

There is no point in blaming others — even if you are right. You will just waste your life away getting upset.

And, truth be told, many people enjoy playing the victim card. It allows them to postpone action. If the “system” is broken (whatever that means to you), that’s the perfect excuse to not do anything about your own shortcomings.

The solution — take radical responsibility for yourself:

• If you don’t like how a certain person treats you, find a better person.

• If you don’t like your 9-to-5 existence, start a business that you are passionate about.

• If you don’t like how few romantic options you have, become more charming.

• If you don’t like the political situation in your country, move to a different country.

• There is never a point in complaining. There is only a point in taking radical action.

III.

To create yourself, you must understand consistency. The reality is — you become what you repeatedly do.

If you start practicing the guitar for 3–4 hours each day, 10–15 years from now, you will be a professional musician.

If you start training in Brazilian jiu-jitsu and show up to class 5 times a week, 7–10 years from now, you will be a black belt.

If you spend 4–6 hours creating content for your blog or your YouTube Channel every day, 3–5 years from now, it will pay the bills.

There is no uncertainty here. Do the thing, and you become the thing.

Feeling a bit preachy today! It was a long day; worked nonstop. Still working. But things are developing nicely, business-wise. And I really enjoy what I am doing, especially the live coaching calls. I am getting paid to talk to smart people. I still sometimes have to pinch myself.

Until next week,

Niels