Self-Accountability: How To Finally Master It
Let's talk about accountability and how you can make it work in your favor.
I.
The first step is to accept responsibility for your actions.
If you are overweight, it is because you eat too much.
If your finances are in disarray, it is because you don't think before you open your wallet.
If your relationships are disappointing, it is because you never took the time to develop your interpersonal skills.
You are where you are in life because of your past decisions. To get to a better place, you must make better decisions.
II.
The second step is to enlist outside help.
Ironically, the easiest way to become more self-responsible is to have someone else to hold you accountable.
That's because we are social animals. We hate being on record for promising, "I will do X," but then not doing it.
With ourselves, that's no problem. We are used to deceiving ourselves. But with others? Here we don't want to lose face.
III.
With accountability, you have two levers:
Positive reinforcement
Negative reinforcement
Positive reinforcement is about encouragement.
For example, you can find an accountability partner to cheer you on. When you do your daily push-ups, they will applaud you. If you don't, they will encourage you to do better tomorrow.
Negative reinforcement is about punishment.
For example, anytime you break your push-up streak, you must pay $50 to an anti-charity. So, if you are pro-choice, you pay to a pro-life organization. If you are pro-life, you pay to a pro-choice organization.
IV.
Positive reinforcement works quite well. We all enjoy being told what a good boy or girl we are. To get that nice feeling again, we will do more of that applaudable activity tomorrow.
There are limitations though.
Getting applause is a nice-to-have, not a must-have. We can do without it. Many people ultimately opt for laziness over praise.
Negative reinforcement is much more compelling, provided the punishment is strong enough.
Let's imagine there was a device implanted in your body; if you skipped a workout, you would get electrocuted. How many workouts would you miss in the future? Exactly, zero.
The challenge with negative reinforcement is how to implement it. For it to work without fail, you would need an enforcer watching your every move.
V.
To best lever your accountability, you want to combine positive and negative reinforcement, as much as you can.
Define what habits you want to implement in writing. Simply putting pen to paper will strengthen your resolve.
Then find someone to check in with you daily. Ideally, that somebody should both offer praise (if it's deserved) and some mild disapproval (if you are failing).
The punishment can't be too harsh because otherwise, you will start projecting your anger onto your accountability partner. You will come up with a reason to break up with them.
VI.
To introduce a stronger element of punishment, I recommend going public.
For example, post your list of habits on social media. Then promise to do daily check-ins. Add a monetary punishment, e.g., "If I don't habit X, I will pay amount Y to organization Z."
The advantage is that it's harder to project your frustrations on a group of people. If you get criticized, you must deal with it. You can't break up with everybody.
The disadvantage is that you'll get less encouragement; people will want to see you pay. But that is what your accountability partner is for.
If you want to learn more — I offer free 30-minute coaching sessions. Even if you have no plan to continue, I'll be happy to work out an accountability game plan with you.
And as always, let me know what you thought about this newsletter.
Niels