Only 3 Habits? Here’s What I’d Choose
There is an interesting type of thought experiment in the fitness space — “If you could only pick three exercises to do for the rest of your life, which would you choose?” It forces you to zoom in on the essentials.
You can do the same for your habits.
If you follow my content, you know I am a big believer in habits — whatever big goal you want to achieve, you need to break it down into daily actions.
But just like some physical exercises offer more bang for your buck, some habits outperform all other habits. Implement them, and, over time, you will see outstanding results.
Here are the three habits that I recommend over all others.
Habit #1: Cut Out All Distractions (Especially Digital)
We live in a world where we are bombarded with distractions — mostly digital. You can waste your life away doom-scrolling or binging Netflix series.
Even so, we tend to underestimate these digital addictions. We don’t realize how much time we really waste. There are studies, though. According to one by the e-commerce portal Oberlo, we average close to 8 hours per day of digital media consumption. And that is not even counting traditional media consumption (TV, newspapers, etc.).
Close to 8 hours per day, 50+ hours per week — imagine what you could get done during that time. You could build an online side hustle, quit your job, and travel the world. You get as fit as a cover model and date similarly attractive people. You could spend a lot of quality time with your family and friends.
It’s not just that you get your time back when you cut digital distractions. It is also the competitive advantage you gain over everybody else.
We are all competing over the same scarce resources — money, status, sexual opportunities, etc. Fortunately for you, most people today are highly addicted to digital media, and hence, constantly distracted. If you are one of the few people with the ability to focus, you are almost guaranteed to come out on top.
Finally, clarity.
There is a common misconception that I observe in my coaching clients — “I need to find my purpose first, so I can stop wasting time.”
No.
You find your purpose by removing all pointless distractions first. Then your purpose will (slowly) figure itself out.
Here is how it works. When you remove all distractions, you will now be confronted with an "empty space," so to speak. This space will feel terrifying at first. But, if you don’t run from it, this space will also prompt a quest. To fill it, you will start sampling different lifestyles and activities. Through these mini-experiments, over time, you will come to realize which activities truly resonate with you.
To make all of this more tangible, here is what my own “No distractions” habit looks like:
No social media (except work-related)
No news
No Netflix
No TV
No porn
I can listen to audiobooks during routine tasks (stretching, cleaning the apartment, etc.)
No distractions while eating
No random googling
No random questions to ChatGPT
Check Gmail only 3 times per day (except in urgent situations)
Check WhatsApp only 3 times per day (except in urgent situations)
I understand that this list will be too much for most people to implement right away; our media addictions run too strong. What you do is pick one thing from the list and implement it. Once that habit has solidified, you add the next behavior — but only then.
Habit #2: Go to Bed at the Same Time Every Night
Without proper sleep, you are useless. But if you sleep well all the time, you will be unstoppable.
Better sleep leads to…
…better food choices (you have more willpower to draw from)
…better productivity choices (e.g., doing the hard thing first)
…better social interactions (you have more upbeat energy to give)
…better mindset (you are less likely to give in to negative thoughts)
Improve sleep, and your whole life improves.
There are different approaches to optimizing your sleep quality, but by far the most important one is going to bed at the same time every night. Our bodies crave that regularity.
It is also the approach that people resist the most.
There are three reasons for that. First, most of us hate our boring 9 to 5 existence. Thus, we feel the need to live it up on the weekends. We meet friends, go to bars and clubs, drink alcohol, etc. This messes up our sleep schedule.
The second reason why we struggle with keeping a consistent bedtime is the promise of sex. In many instances, "going out" is just a euphemism for hoping to get laid. Especially at a certain age, we can’t stand the idea of sexual opportunities passing us by.
Third, digital media. You start watching that new suspense drama on Netflix, and before you know it, it’s 3 am.
How do we fix our bedtime, then?
In the first instance, the 9 to 5 blues, you have to brute force it for a while. You need to reclaim your weekends, your biggest window of free time. You use that time to build an alternative income stream. Then you quit your 9 to 5. Suddenly, with that pain gone, the weekends don’t seem so special anymore.
With digital media, you need to gradually wean yourself off; we already talked about this.
This leaves dating. Here, you have two options. You can either become a quasi-monk (great for times of extreme focus) or you can learn how to talk to attractive strangers outside of bars.
Which leads me to habit no. 3.
Habit #3: Talk to Strangers
Tons of people walk by you every day. People who might become your best friend, lover, or business partner.
Yet, we never reach out to them. There is an invisible barrier between you and the rest of the world.
This barrier is upheld by fear of rejection. However, if you can overcome that fear, you will be rewarded manyfold.
For me, this habit — talking to strangers — has resulted in some of the best experiences of my life. The most exciting sex, the best conversations, and the most lucrative business opportunities all came from taking a risk and reaching out to a stranger.
Now, I realize this habit will look different for different people. If you are married, you probably don’t want to hit on strangers at the supermarket. But you can still cold-call a potential client for your business each day. And you can still start a friendly conversation with someone on the subway each morning.
In most instances, these interactions won’t lead anywhere. But as with all habits, results compound over time. One day, that person you talk to on the subway ends up being the person who offers you your dream job, teaches you a rare skill, or even saves your life. You cannot predict the results, but you can rest assured that the results will come — if you talk to enough strangers. Take it from me — there is magic in breaking the social barrier.
I am thinking about moving to Latin America. Not so much because I want to — I love SEA and think it’s the best place for digital nomads at the moment. But the time zone difference is starting to be a problem. I am getting mostly inquiries from US coaching clients at this point, and unless I want to stay up all night, I cannot fully serve them. And, as we talked about, you shouldn’t mess with your bedtime. So, I should probably start studying Spanish. I'll keep you posted.
Until next time,
Niels