Get Your Life Back: Why You Must Cut out Time-Wasters
You could be doing everything right to achieve your goals — build the right habits, manage your energy, create accountability — and still fail dramatically; that is if you allow certain people to take control over your time. I call these people time-wasters.
This sounds rather bitter and like I constantly run into people that get me riled up. But the opposite is true: These days, I almost exclusively spend my time with people that leave me happier than before. That's because I have gotten much better over the years at radically cutting out people who are just taking without giving.
This still sounds bitter... Let's try again.
A timer-waster, as derogatory as the term seems, is not necessarily a bad person. All it means is that their values are too misaligned with your own for you guys to make sense together.
A few quick examples:
A highly sociable friend who wants to spend lots of time together vs. a solipsistic friend who requires little social contact
An expert looking to sell his expertise vs. a lead just looking for some free advice
A man looking to get married soon vs. a woman just looking for a fling (please note how politically correct I reversed gender stereotypes here)
Then, of course, some people are just trying to squeeze you for what they can. But even here, it might not be so much ill-intent as a lack of empathy. They might not understand the personal cost to you — how it takes away from your goals — when they ask you to do things for them.
None of this is a reason to get mad. It just means you have to go through lots of people to find those who you are most compatible with. That is your first duty.
Your second duty is to keep yourself honest. Don't get carried away by naive notions about love and friendship. At its core, relationships are a business arrangement, with the goal of exchanging (emotional) value.
When you truly acknowledge this transactional core, cutting out people loses its sting. I'm not hating on you as a person — I'm just realizing that this is not a good deal for me and that there are better deals out there. Supply and demand.
Having said that, never hesitate when it comes to cutting out time-wasters. Just do it:
No long discussions
No letting them down "easy"
No giving them yet another chance
Most people don't change. If the two of you are incompatible, get rid of the other person. By prolonging the relationship, you are squandering your most precious resource on this planet — your time. This might not seem like a big deal at the moment, but it will down the road, as you grow older and truly start to understand that those hours are not coming back.
Also, you are not doing the time-waster any favors by delaying. The longer this goes on, the longer it will take them to learn about their value-sucking ways. If you cut them out, some might start reflecting on their behavior.
However, refrain from becoming the time-waster's life coach (unless they are paying you). It's their job to figure out this "being social" business, not yours. Just as it is your job to reflect on your value to others.
My (not so minimalist) work setup here in Thailand is starting to come together. My desk was delivered two days ago, and I am sitting in my very comfy office chair, looking out over the sea while writing this newsletter (not trying to make you jealous at all).
I will next try to attach my YouTube gear to the table via posts and arms so that I don't have to put it up every single time. This should reduce a lot of friction. We'll see.
Talk to you soon!
Niels